The Pip's the Thing, and More of Life's Oddities

Dear You,

Whilst a-strolling home from town today, I mentally compiled some things that I think are really rather strange.

Firstly, why is it that the distance between pavements is inversely proportional to the number of pips given by the traffic lights? I crossed a road today that only beeped for half the time it took me to make the trek between kerbs. Now I consider myself to be a (fairly) sprightly young person, so how would an elderly member of the community cross the road- and where I live, people seem to be born old (either that, or give birth aged twelve; it's a rather mixed bag). Would an oncoming vehicle simply run over this old person, sending Scope bags hurtling through the air? With where I live, this is highly possible- the majority of fashion outlets support heart disease or cancer cures or something. Conversely, one can still hear the pips when in the distance of a long-gone thin crossing; madness.

Secondly, Busted's song 'Year 3000' is inherently necrophilic, mathematically speaking. If you take the average age of parenthood- currently 25- and cross reference it with the average age of Busted at the song's 2003 release, 19, one can assume that a child would be born in 2009. So, adding twenty-five years per generation, the 'great great great granddaughter' would be born in 2109, so would be 881 years of age in the 'Year 3000'. I'm not judging, but I'm just saying that I don't find 900 year old women attractive. Well, I don't find any women attractive, but that's beside the point. Anyway, if this 'Peter' from next door enjoys the nonocentenarian offspring of Busted, that's up to him. However, one could interpret 'fine' in different ways; there's the obvious 'ooft' connotation, but perhaps he just means that she's okay fine. This is arguably doubtable- she's probably been in the ground for 800 years, and in a culture that lives underwater, with flooded graveyards, she probably looks like a mouldy mess reminiscent of the Abzorbaloff from Doctor Who.

Her 'fine'ness is questionable

Incidentally, I also entered that Blue Peter competition which was eventually won by the Abzorbaloff. My monster was a race of alien murderers who lived inside sweet wrappers, and feasted on the souls of children. Quite good stuff for a nine year old. Dark, but good.

The final weird thing I thought about on my way home (it was quite a short walk) was the Eurovision Song Contest. If you wish to know why, perhaps you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Yours ponderingly,

M.