Dear You,
I feel as though I have found the root of all evil. No, it's not racism, homophobia, drugs, war, murder, whatever.
It's when people dress their children in matching clothes.
Yesterday, I saw two toddler sisters in the same spotty fleece, presumably Boden (note to prospective parents; if you dress your children in Boden, they'll develop a complex and grow up to resent you), and matching jeggings, which are the horrific results of an experiment done by scientists who liked leggings but thought they'd be better if they were more like jeans. They weren't, but that's beside the point. The point is: these children looked IDENTICAL, if not for the age/size difference.
This reminded me of when I once went swimming (like when I once did exercise) and I saw a family where the dad was wearing what the eldest son was wearing, who was wearing what the middle son was wearing, who was wearing what the youngest son was wearing. It was difficult to stop myself from pushing them into the simulated waves below.
Not only is it an horrendous fashion statement- and one that really should be punishable by death/parenting courses- it's a bit of an insult to your child. Perhaps they feel that their identities don't matter, that they are just a 'child', along with their similarly identity-less siblings. I'm just glad my parents didn't dress me in the same clothes as my sibling, although that could be more to do with the fact that I have a sister. However, they did dress us in Boden, so I don't call them 'Mum' or 'Dad' any more.
Furthermore, whilst walking through the park the other day- avoiding the newly-refurbished play area, where there are some crazy exercise machines disguised as 'fun'- I noticed some very disappointing conditioning of children from a young age. Girls were pushing pink prams, boys kicking blue footballs; are these not telling the nation's children how they are expected to act in later life? Why can't boys take on a childcaring role, while more women pursue athletic options; sadly, this is a shocking reflection of modern society, and I believe that the balance will not be restored while we still call football for women 'women's football' but for men we call it 'football'. To be honest, I don't give a shit about football, but I'd like it if it could be a little less discriminatory. Cough John Terry.
I mentioned earlier about identities. While dressing your children in matching garments is a heinous crime, it's certainly not the worst. Naming your children after yourself is. If I see another 'Jr.' ANYWHERE, I shall go to the parents' house(s) and punch them in the eyes and tell them to stop being such egomaniacal pricks. How is your child going to cope living in the shadow of the previous owner of the name? And when they get older, are they still worthy of being called a 'junior'? Bloody hell, it's worse than giving your child a weird name like 'Admire', 'Tron' or 'Jesus', the last of which makes you look desperate to get into heaven.
So, in conclusion; if you're a parent, don't be stupid. Children don't want to look like their siblings, they want treehouses, Disney films and ice cream. Give them that.
Oh yes, and make sure they know the difference between 'two' and 'too', as well as knowing two poems by heart, in case they are ever stuck in a lift.
Yours judgementally,
M.
P.S. You know those plastic bin-shaped traffic things- they have arrows on? Well, anyway, I saw a melted one yesterday. It looked like it'd gone: "Oh, what's the point? Who actually pays attention to me? I'm going to lie down here forever and pretend I'm dead."
Either that or the sun had got it, but I'm fairly sure it was depression.
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