Careful What You Say (Children Will Listen)

Hello to You,

Are you familiar with German cautionary tales? I am, unfortunately. If not, firstly watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOVSp-fYUQc

Then read this:
My Youth Theatre company performed this to some children today. They weren't impressed, despite perhaps the best devising I've ever done being put to great use, with the inclusion of lipstick, placards and lion masks for extra effect. Cretins. We did one of the ones in the video; the thumb-sucking one. As documented above, his thumbs get cut off at the end, which I think is a bit extreme for a small habit- although those who incessantly chew gum should have their jaws broken. We also did one about a boy who fidgets at dinner, making his parents displeased, and I thought that there wasn't much consistency between the punishments of the children- a girl burns to death after playing with matches, and this guy's parents are only displeased! Bloody hell. We did another one about a hunter and a rabbit-esque thing, but I'm not too sure where that was going. Down a well, I think.

Then we had to devise an original one. Oh Christ, I hear you thinking. The group leader 'came up' with the idea of some children who wouldn't be quiet, so a barber cut their tongues out. Originality at work. Instead, we did a thing about this girl who watched too much TV, had her eyes go square, and then ripped them out. I feel that 'lol' is the correct word here.

On the subject of children's stories, I've written my own for English Language. It's the Three Little Zompigs and it's great. It was originally Little Red Riding Zombie, but then I found out that something similar was already in existence, so I tweaked it slightly. Here's the original opening, followed by the revised edition- see if you can spot the difference:
'It was half-past ten and Mummy Zombie said
"Off you go, little child of the undead,"'

'It was half-past ten and Mummy Zompig said
"Off you go, little pigs of the undead,"

Cryptic, ain't it?

I hope it goes well, as I'm making an effort by creating felt characters, that make zombies/zompigs look adorable. Who knows? Perhaps you'll be seeing it on a bookshelf near you soon! Doubt it.

Yours zombierifically,

M.

P.S. If anyone steals my concept (again), I will make you into a zombie. And throw pigs at you. Good-day.

P.P.S. If you got the Sondheim title reference, extra brownie points. Unless, of course, you also steal my concept. Then you get minus points, as well as the aforementioned threats. Yeah, be scared.