Warning: Political Stance Ahead

Dear You,

I've been following this gay marriage debate with earnest, discontent and gayness for the past few weeks, and I must say that I'm more than a little miffed when those stuffy old men bring up the Bible and stuff. I mean, it's fine to worship a book written by lots of people thousands of years ago about arks and crosses and fig leaves (saucy), but to let it interfere in the governing of a country is foolish- it should be governed by people, not massive bearded men on clouds with a questionable existence.

And what's more, if you're going to throw a Leviticus-shaped spanner into the works of EQUALITY, perhaps you shod be a tad more consistent? Like not eating fat or blood (gutted if you're a black pudding fan of a Christian), drinking alcohol in holy places (even more gutted if you've taken Communion; hell for you!), working on a Sunday (or a Saturday if you're a twat and think a week starts on a Sunday) and trimming your beard which, if I'm not mistaken, means that the houses of Lords and Commons should really be crawling with rampant facial hair. And let's not even start with mixed fibres, because I'm not wearing double denim to escape Satan, who (whisper it) is a lot of bollocks himself. And wasn't there something about not making images of God? If so, I'm fairly sure the Renaissance, with its floaty Michelangelo pointing God-paintings, should be condemned as blasphemy, right?

But no, we're going to focus on one aspect of the Bible; that two people shouldn't be in love and have nice lives. And my main issue with this book is: when's the sequel out? And I want a nicer, less condemning sequel please, where one isn't reprimanded for 'not standing in the presence of the elderly' (Lev. 19:32).

Really though, I'd like to thank all the heterosexuals that have supported this cause. Personally, I wouldn't like to get married in a church- I find Christianity as relevant as the existence of Nigel Farrage, but each to their own- but on behalf of all gays everywhere, I appreciate your open-mindedness and good-person morality. Well done to you, and you can come to my wedding, which will be in Disneyland, with the theme that everyone must come as a Disney character of the opposite gender. I'm being Ariel and shall be carried down the aisle on a massive shell. Who's excited?

Over tea this evening, my mother said that even though we disagree, democracy is about letting people have their opinion. I'm not right wing at all, but I thought that people who are pricks should be drowned. And I'll leave you with this fantastic quotation:

And the lyric 'hasa diga eebowai' from The Book of Mormon, which I'll leave you to translate. 

Yours gaily/gayly,

M.

P.S. Thank fuck Matt Smith is leaving Doctor Who. That is all.