Instagram Irritations

Dear You,

It's there. It's watching you. It's ready to strike, launching a tirade of poor-quality yet 'artistic' photos and hashtagged captions. Yes, it's Instagram.

It's nice that people take photos- they can use them to relive their glory days when dementia inevitably takes hold. But posting them incessantly on Facebook? Not OK. It's mildly acceptable to limit your feed to just the website, so other like-minded 'photographers' can revel in a snap of your lunch overlaid with a strange hue, but non-Instagrammers have NO interest in seeing a greeny-blue shot of pizza and chips appear hourly on their Facebook News Feeds.

People know what their friends look like. They don't need constant reminders via the medium of the '#selfie'. The '#selfie' is, in essence, an image of the Instagrammer, dolled up to the zeros, often pulling an unsettling grimace, and always, ALWAYS using '#nofilter'. Whatever the feck a filter is. I'm not a photographer, and neither are people who use Instagram.

Hashtags anywhere on FB are unacceptable; they make the author seem uneducated in the ways of the internet, as well as confused about the differences between Facebook and Twitter. And even on the actual Instagram website, who is going to actually want to scroll through endless reams of '#throwbackthursday's? We all know it'll be just a pretentious wanker standing outside Disneyland with the caption '#takemeback'. Go back. Go back into the past, and never show your unfiltered face in the present again. Except not Disneyland; don't ruin it for the rest of us.

I just don't understand it. What I'm saying, really, is this: if you like taking pictures with the extra baggage of having people like me hate you, then carry on with your travesty of a hobby. Just don't keep telling me you do so on Facebook- I'd like to be friends with you for other reasons. Coughyourpersonalitycough.

Yours out-Instagrammedly,

M.

P.S. I made another hat yesterday, but here's where it gets comical; it looks almost identical to my other one, with a few minor differences, visible to anyone who pays any attention to me. I've decided to alternate between the two, and see if anybody notices. That'll really show who's my friend, although I fear I already know how it'll pan out...